Friday, June 17, 2011

Warm fuzzies

So many people have had bad things happen to them, and when I hear these things I feel the need to comfort them in some way, but it is difficult to know what to say.  I know for myself, if I am having a bad day, it helps to talk about it, so venting on a blog is another useful tool when there is no one else around to talk to.  If one of my blogger friends has had something rather traumatic happen to them, and I haven't commented, it isn't that I haven't been thinking about them, but somehow what I want to say just doesn't seem ... profound or useful in any way.  What I would really like to do is give them a big, warm hug!  But when far away, or when words are not enough, in my family we have developed a code word that says it all.  Before I tell you that word, let me precede that with the background story.

I may have said this somewhere before, but I am known for being very emotional -- I just can't keep it in, whatever the emotion I am feeling.  Usually it is laughter (I am very lucky!), but sometimes it is sadness, and believe me I can cry at the drop of a hat.  Well, not literally of course, what's so sad about dropping a hat, after all?... but I digress.  Even a commercial can make me sappy!  So when I watch a sad movie, there had better be a lot of kleenex handy! (I know I should say tissues ... oh, nevermind!)

So... when we were newlyweds, my husband, not being used to my waterworks, would get very upset when I started bawling during a movie.  He would get up and start pacing and start asking me silly questions or something.  I can't remember exactly what it was he would do, but it would usually end up with him being upset with me and me crying harder!   Finally, after this happened a few times, I explained to him that actually I was enjoying the movie, and the fact that I was crying didn't mean there was anything wrong with me.  If he wanted to help, he could put his arm around me or just hand me the kleenex box!  Well, after a while it got so he thought I was pretty funny, and he would end up tossing the kleenex box at me with a smirk on his face!  Well, at least we understood each other! :)

by ~the-jc-monster

A few years later, when we had children, I would read them a bedtime story and since we were very fond of Dr. Seuss, often it was his ABC book.  At the end of that book was a very strange creature called The Zizzer Zazzer Zuzz.  I guess this imaginary critter can be very scary to young children especially just before going to sleep, so there was a lot of discussion about this drawing.  I remember trying to make it seem more friendly, so I said something like, it would scare away bad dreams with a magic word which was "Zah-Zuzz!"  This explanation seemed to satisfy them.  Then the word became useful to show sympathy to someone. "Aww! Does your boo-boo hurt? Zah-Zuzz!", said in a comforting voice.

Fast forward a few years and there's me with my husband again.  I was telling him my problems, after a bad day at work (or something).  There he goes getting all upset again, and giving me all kinds of unnecessary advice, that just ended up making me feel annoyed and then pretty soon we'd be arguing!  So I figured out I should tell him, it was okay really, that I just needed to vent, and he didn't have to feel like he had to solve my problems.  Perhaps I just needed a "Zah-Zuzz"? So he filed that piece of information away.  Then the next time I started ranting about my work issues, when I was finally done and took a breath, my husband looked at me with a very sad and forlorn look and said, "Awww! Zah-Zuzz".  Well, it just broke me up and I started laughing so hard, and so did he and suddenly it was the best day ever!

So here's to everyone out there who is going through some bad times... I can't really help you, but I hear you and I do care, so here you go....

This song isn't exactly what I was talking about, but the silly lyrics themselves and the upbeat rhythm might cheer up someone with the blues.
 Zaz Zuh Zaz / Cab Calloway

This is one of my favourite songs that never fails to make me feel better.  The Kinks are always a lot of fun and even when serious they are still very upbeat.

Dr. Seuss has a lot a good sayings that could possibly make someone feel better.  They don't call him "Dr." for nothing!  Here are a few I like:

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.”

“Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple.”

“I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind. Some come from ahead and some come from behind. But I've bought a big bat. I'm all ready you see. Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me!”

Well, nothing makes a Richard Armitage fan feel better than ogling another picture of the wonderful man himself.  A little "Armitage Therapy" anyone? 

Here is Dr. Alec Track from The Golden Hour to the rescue.

What's that?  A phone call for me?

You're hurt? I'll be right there!

I'm on my way!

Now let's have a look here!

Well, it's just what I thought.... the worst case of Armitagemania I've ever seen!


bccmee said...

What a lovely story! We do tend to make up our own vocabulary. A screenwriter I know calls this "high context" which means it is a conversation between two people who know each other well. Outsiders might not know what the heck they are talking about. For instance, there are some words associated with the RA community that would mean something different in another context. :)

CDoart said...

Thank you for your therapy, Phylly! What a wonderful story and I hope you don't need a Zah-Zuzz. I can use it quite handily right now. Oh whatever, Zah-Zuzz ;o)

RAFrenzy said...

Thanks for sharing, Phylly!

I got a lot out of that because I've felt exactly the same way.

DEZMOND said...

love that puppy pic :)

Phylly3 said...

@bccmee -- "High context" eh? Well, my birth family was always making up gibberish words to use with each other so I come by it naturally. I think it's a British thing because my Mom's dad was British and they did it in her family too. I had a German brother-in-law that thought my family was NUTS! But my husband rolls with it and adds to the vocabulary. :)
@CDoart -- Happy to help! :) Thanks for the Zah-Zuzz, I'm getting a bit burnt out as it's the end of the school year and it gets a little crazy in the library trying to tie up all the loose ends before the summer break.
@Frenz -- Yes. I've found I have to be the translator in the relationship (the whole men are from Mars, women are from Venus thing).
I'm the talker and he's brooder. (More like stewer, actually but that makes him sound like a chicken!) Ha! Must stop now...
@Dezz -- That doggie is the cutest thing! It makes me smile to look at it! :)

Anonymous said...

Beautiful story and post Phylly! I think I'll borrow that Zah-Zuzz and tell my friends and family that's all they really need to say when I need to rant. It does help me feel a whole lot better when I can just get it off my chest. I rarely need a solution, just a sympathetic ear.


RavenRoseBeetle said...

A little Harry Belefonte goes a long way, as well. Thanks for the Cab Calloway!

D22 Zone said...

Love the video! great find!

Phylly3 said...

@Jason -- Thank you! I think so too. Cab Calloway is such a tremendous talent but I really hadn't heard of this song before I went looking for a song that might fit my theme. Then BINGO! There it was. :)

Phylly3 said...

@Calexora -- Thank you. It makes me very glad to think I could make you feel better. Please do use my silly word if it helps you in any way!
@RavenRoseBeetle -- Ahh! A Calloway fan? I like Belefonte too, is there a particular song you are thinking of that cheers you up?

Traxy said...

I hear ya. When I hear about people not being well, I just want to give them a hug and sometimes it's difficult to find the right words, because like you say, you don't want to end up saying the wrong ones. Your "Zah-Zuzz!" story has to be the cutest thing I've heard. How wonderful! (I think the hubby is starting to get used to me bursting into tears now and then. :))

Anonymous said...

Ah Phylly, That whole Men are from Mars...(that strikes so true, and I don't normally care for the psycho-babble stuff; but we are different. Equal, but different, thank goodnes :) )

When I vented over workplace problems, distraught that I could have handled something differently, my husband wanted to solve the problem. Took time for him to realise that I was talking through the problem, just by talking. Solving it myself...and needing the supportive ear, not the external solution.

As for crying. Well, I cry over books, films, Lucas, you name it. They capture that part of the imagination that we restrain in our real lives, applying common sense, and whatever sensitivity and empathy we have. Of course, I cry in RL. Privately.


Phylly3 said...

@Traxy -- Thanks Traxy! :) If your man is just starting to get used to it, you have either not been together very long or you don't have crying jags too often. LOL!
@fitzg -- I don't like psycho babblie either but some stuff just makes sense (or it just sounds funny so I like it!) :D I don't cry too much in real life except at weddings, oh and of course funerals! Sometimes at graduations ... okay, well I guess I DO cry a bit in real life. I'm a SAP! :P

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